FALL 50 RECAP

Sunday October 25, 2015

8:17:50 was my official time for the Door County Fall 50 National Championship solo race. Technically I am the 7th fastest woman in the country in the 50 mile road race. Did I meet my goal? No. Did I do what I thought was possible? No. Did I do my best? yes.


Those No's aren't meaning that much to me this time around. I am choosing to focus on the positive. I trained hard (yes I could have trained harder) and I took the time that I thought was necessary to accomplish my goal. I came into this race positive, without stress, and with a mantra.

"I am strong, I am confident, I can, and I will"

That is what I told myself when I started to doubt myself, or when the second bout of rain that came sideways threatened to derail me.

I feel like I need to back up a bit. Like I mentioned, I took a whole new approach to this years race and I have to thank the experience of the weekend before for that.

As soon as I DNF'ed last years race I knew that I would be back and that I would never let that happen to me again. I vowed to train harder, train smarter, and recover better. I got a running coach, I became a part of a weekly speed group, I got a personal trainer, I got a running journal, and I tried to immerse myself into all of it.  I found out early in the year that I was being offered free entry into this years race because of my DNF last year. Like there was any doubt that I was going to do it again!

I started to become more familiar with the clothing brand Oiselle, and of course started following everyone on social media. I became aware of the Oiselle Volee and I wanted in, but how? To my surprise they opened it up to anyone for a short time. I got on that fast, because at this point I was already starting to own much of the clothing and wanted to race with them. Around that same time there was a camp announced that would be held in Duluth, and with none other than Kara Goucher! They mentioned some other accomplished athletes, but truthfully I had never heard of them. What was even better was that this camp was being held the weekend before my big race, of course I had to go.
In my opinion If you aren't prepared mentally for a race then you shouldn't be racing. I feel I had given up mentally last year way before my body gave out. So this seemed to be the last piece of the puzzle.

How could you not feel refreshed with a view on a run like this?

I could go on and on about the retreat but this post is about the race so you get the cliff notes version.

By joining the Oiselle team I had gained so many friends that I didn't know I had. In my running life back home I lack the network essential for my running to flourish in the way I want. To meet these women was so much more than I could have hoped for. I gained a massive community and friends who understand. Understand the injury, the pain, the hope, the mental defeat, the training, the sacrifice, and the joy. Walking into this retreat with literally knowing no one I quickly became friends with other Oiselle teammates and knew that these ladies will be life long friends.

Those "other" coaches that I didn't know existed turned out to be very important indeed.  The Kleckers. If you don't know who they are, you should look them up. They are both amazing athletes and pillars in the running world. But beyond that, they are amazing people. Barney holds the American record in the 50 mile road distance of 4:51. 4:51!!!!  Janis was a part of the first Olympic marathon trials for women in 1984. Both have had beyond amazing running careers while raising 6 kids.

Janis has an effect on people. She has a calm demeanor and pretty much makes you cry when she opens her mouth. I was gravitating toward her. Needless to say we had a conversation and I cried (like always) she changed my life in 10 minutes. I felt lighter than I have in along time and I knew that the next weekend was nothing to worry about.

Fast forward to race day. My anxiety was pretty much non-existent and I was ready to tackle this race. As a runner you know that you cannot control the weather so you race in the conditions that you are given even if they are not ideal. Rain. Wind. Cold. Those three nasty words when combined together make for an interesting race.



That feeling of weightlessness followed me into race day and throughout the race. I felt strong and I had the unwavering support of my husband and daughter, what else did I really need?

I had set an aggressive goal for myself and about 30 miles in after changing shoes and socks and getting poured on again I realized I was going to miss that goal. I could still knock out a stellar performance so I pushed on. At around mile 40 I had a woman come up behind me asking if I was Nora. Surprised and wondering how this stranger knew my name I said yes. She showed me her Oiselle tank under her raincoat and said how proud she was of me and said I was her hero. She told me I looked strong and to keep going. This woman has no idea that I had to fight back the tears as she passed me (she was a part of the relay). Its hard to run and cry. I had passed the point where I had to drop out last year and was emotional already.( I had to choke down tears many times by this point). To me, I had a score to settle within myself and to be considered a hero to someone else was inconceivable.

From around that same time my right calf began to tighten. It felt like it was fully constricted and no matter how hard I pushed I could not go much faster.

When you are doing a race of that length the last miles are so welcoming. Trying to explain that to someone who has never ran that far is thinking "10 miles, that is so far," but when you have already ran 40, 10 is a piece of cake. As I was approaching the finish a group of women ran in with me. I have never seen these women before and still have no idea who they were. Because of this my husband and daughter didn't see me coming in and therefore did not get to see me crossing the finish line.  Maybe that was for the best. Remember when I said I had to choke back the tears during the race, well this time I let them flow. All the emotions overtook me. I was so happy to have finished, to prove to myself that I can do it and that last year was a fluke. I was exhausted, cold, and mentally spent.
I cannot give a detailed account of the race because as I finished I gave Roger a hug and accidentally my race got deleted. Yes the whole race! Being so emotionally fragile at that moment I flipped out on him when he was just trying to comfort me. But I don't NEED a watch to tell me that I ran 50 miles, I don't NEED a watch to tell me how I felt during that race. What I NEEDED was right there in front of me.

I ended up placing 7th overall woman and got another big medal.

This time around there was no disappointment in myself, there wasn't a bunch of "if I only did this," I was simply content. I gave all that I was capable of giving that day. I only walked two hills that I knew going in I was going to walk. I felt stronger than ever on the other hills and my overall fitness was better than ever. My recovery and strength training proved its worth in the days after. I am marginally sore and not in the areas that I have previously been.

It is safe to say that my running turned a corner this year and climbed the hill in the past two weeks. I will be back next year to chase the goal.

life isn't fair

There are things in life that just aren't fair. That is a fact. I was reminded of that yesterday as I tried to help some people in need.
My husband and I saw three clearly homeless people and a dog asking for help at a popular intersection. We turned to one another and knew that we must help them. We were headed to Starbucks and I grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water for each person, explaining to the barista where they were going. She kindly did her part in discounting the items and wished all of us luck. Upon returning to deliver the items the police pulled up alongside them. We were determined to help in any way that we could, so we proceeded. I walked up to the group who were now getting hassled and written tickets that most likely will not be able to be paid, and with kind words handed them the bag " it looks like you could use this". The look of appreciation on the man's face was evident and shock on the others that I came upon them while the police were there. One of the police officers pulled me aside as I was turning to walk away explaining there is a policy in place against panhandlers in intersections and people giving to panhandlers. I had no idea and was just trying to help some people who clearly needed it. He explained that giving money especially was prohibited because they just use it to buy drugs, but the food and water we gave them should be ok.
At this point my husband got out of the car thinking that I was being accosted. Our dog also jumped out of the car window as I was walking back to the car.
I couldn't explain what the officer said to me because I was so emotional. Thinking about it now brings it back. How much courage do you think it took for those people to advertise that they were so in need? What chain of events caused the situation they were in? Then to be treated like they don't matter and written tickets that they can't pay. Assuming they are drug seekers.
Was any of that necessary? Could the police have just asked them to move along? Life isn't fair.
Maybe the emotion hit me because in another life that could have been me. I've been pretty low before and there were times I didn't know if I would have a roof to cover myself and my daughter.

My husband and I share the dream of opening a homeless shelter in the Madison area. We will call it the Birdhouse. Even that is just a business plan, to help the people in need in just our community takes an enormous amount of money and assistance. So for now we do our small part day to day and remember that our problems are small in the grand scheme of things.

Boston Strong

The Boston marathon is today. Today an American male won for the first time in almost 30 years. Records were broken all over the womens field. An amazing day for the race and the town itself.
This year i was not there.
I did not see this live.
I headed out on my own marathon this morning at 8:40 am central time. The elite women were already on their way.
To give me strength I had my Boston hat and my Fellow Flowers shirt "you can not destroy the will of a runner" on and ready to go.

The first 5 miles were humid and i was feeling good. It started to rain, no not rain, pour. It was a warm rain though and i wasn't going to turn back. My body felt strong and I knew i was going slow but to finish was the goal for today. So for the next 15 miles it rained.

There were times during this run where I cried and instead of choking them back i let them flow. I cried for the race i didnt have, I cried for the fear i felt, I cried for the lives lost, I cried for the pain that still remains everywhere. Still i had a smile.

When i run i dont bring my phone, today i did. When i reached 26.2 and saved my route i looked at my phone. My husband wrote an amazing post about our journey on facebook. Upon reading that with the emotion of what i had just done was truly overwhelming.

When i got in the door i heard that an American had won! Meb had accomplished something that he had been so close to before. i watched the live feed from the race and it was not through clear eyes.

For a year I have not been able to read, look at, or hear about Boston without choking up. I avoided the papers and the tv on the anniversary, i couldnt handle it just yet. The pain was still so raw, it still is honestly. To see my friends give the race a go or another go is amazing.
I knew i had to try to deal with this raw reaction in my way and to run the distance again was all i could do. today i ran with a purpose thinking about the bad race i had and how i was feeling at certain mile markers. today added to the miles i have been building since saturdays' half marathon. 54 for three days.

My Boston time was 4:24:47. My time today 4:16:38

It is true that you can not destroy the will of a runner. it can be broken or lost, but not destroyed. It may take years to revive itself but it will be back.

Winter has been long

Sunday March 23, 2014

When the sun shines and the weather is warm after an impossible winter you can only help but to smile.  A kind of smile that not only lights up your face but your whole being.  That, is how I feel about running.  The winter was long and cold and so had been my running attitude.  I would like to say that it happened after Boston, but I know it happened the winter before.  I had lost my love for the sport. How can a person who had lived, breathed, and talked running just stop?  I ran the 50 miler and after that the honeymoon was over.

I should have been elated that I had qualified for Boston without trying, or that I placed 2nd in my first ever ultra, but all i could think was: what now, what's next?  it had never been my style to do something mediocre and then try to do better next time.  Do your best the first time and move on to the next bigger/harder thing, that was my style.

I decided to run the 50 miler again and trained, well sort of and had the best race ever.  I ran some after that and it was nothing substantial. I also needed a runner partner to get me out the door.  I always made up a reason not to go if i was by myself.  This was also unlike my previous running persona. Alone.  Always run alone.
Then winter came and it was hard to get out the door when temps were consistently below zero.

My dog Roubaix has been the best running partner anyone can ask for and provided some much needed alone time without being alone.  most of those unmotivated runs were done with him on a trail. unknowingly he slowly lead me back to my dear friend.

Within the last 3 weeks my love for running has returned, I am a giddy child once again.  i can't wait to run after work, I can't wait to commute to work, I can't wait to spend 5 hours on a run.  i give credit to the sun and the warmer temps.  today I had planned a 17 miler with a friend whom I have never run with.  i told everyone about it and I was excited for many reasons.  17 miles would be the farthest i have run since the 50 miler in October and it was going to be on one of my favorite courses.  My running courses are something that I hold near and dear to my heart, they are like my little treasure box that you only look at alone in your bedroom late at night and show only your close friends. So to expose that to someone new was exhilarating!

The weather forecast was not looking in our favor, cold again with the wind.  She expressed some hesitation about the length of time we would be out in the cold early in the morning.  It was ME who told her not to worry, that it would be great and we would thank ourselves afterward.  She ended up getting sick anyway and couldn't join me in the end.

i had 2 choices: 1. sleep as long as i could and sip my coffee while surfing Facebook.  Take a nap with the dog and not venture outside into the sunny but cold day. 2. Sleep in some, eat breakfast and start dressing for my run.  go anyway. Besides I was so pumped to be running this course and the sun was out.  2 won hands down.
it was not hard, i did not struggle, I wasn't even cold.  it was truly like seeing a friend you haven't seen in years and not skipping a beat. I am back and I cannot wait to see what happens!

It's amazing what a smile can do.

Door County Fall 50.

This is a race that I have had mix feelings about.  Excited, terrified, unsure, confident, and confused.  Knowing the struggle that I endured last year, I was not looking forward to that kind of suffering again.  Running in general for me, as of late has lost its luster, that magic quality that pulls you in to a place of tranquility.  It has been a challenge to even get out the door, to even think about going for a run.  Always being a solo runner, if I didn't have a running partner I simply didn't go.

There are many reasons that I will tell you why I haven't been running/training.  Work, school, kids, spouse, new dog, etc. The list goes on.  One reason is to blame though deep down and I know it. Boston.  I had not recovered from that.  Physically I suppose I did, although my training was nil.  Mentally and emotionally not even a chance.  My will had been broken, that mental toughness that got me through tough training runs had disappeared.  How was I going to run 50 miles with out toughness?!  Last year that is all that got me through those last 10 miles.

Doubting myself and my ability I had to make a decision.  Run or don't.  If i was ever going to get my love back for running this should be the ultimate test.  With hundreds of miles less in training and my stubborn attitude gone, this sounded impossible.  Even to my partner, he had no confidence in the feat that i was about to encounter.  He will be the first to admit that he would have bet money on me that i would not finish.  But he agreed to go with me against his better judgment.

I made the decision.  Instead of try to beat my previous years time(the plan when i signed up before Boston), I was going to run my race, I was going to finish, I wasn't going to care where i was in rank, I was going to have the "come to Jesus" meeting with myself and find my love for running again.  This race will be a new start, the pain from Boston will always be there, but it doesn't need to be at the surface and determine who I will become.  Time to let it go.

Roger and Roubaix make the trip with me the day before, we got my packet ate dinner and prepared for the day to come.  In true Nora race fashion we are there early, and I am pushing the nervousness back down my throat.  The dog is overstimulated and we are all cold.  Race morning brings us low 40's with 30 mph winds along the coast. I am supposed to have fun?

The gun goes off and we start, I am in the middle of the pack instead of on the start line.  I start slow, I would like to negative split for once.  my nice "slow" pace turns out to be the same pace I started out at last year, oops.

1-10 miles were fine, steady pace ran through the first race stop and got to see my boys. I started the race with a smile on my face and a whatever attitude. I was going to finish that way.

A little chit chat with fellow runners along the way makes the miles go by way faster.  After the pit stop at 11 I was charged up. i was determined to run smart, walk the hills, take time at the rest stops, kiss the boys, and don't rush. I was slowing a bit the wind ended up being mostly a tail wind(whew), but sometimes made for a nasty cross wind.

The colors were amazing and that's the part I needed, the solitude to appreciate the smells of nature.  Be in awe of the change in something so alive all around me.   Those next few miles were just that, running through a state park along the water was indeed serene.  For the first time i am running a race with a smile on my face.

i am greeted at each stop from my support crew, roger keeps asking if I want to know how I am doing, my answer is always no. I just want to finish, that is my goal, finish before 6 pm.
i get to mile 30 and more than half way there, looks like i could finish in 9 hours, but i walk when i need to and don't feel bad about it.  Mile 40 and still feeling good, still with a smile.

I reach the 41 mile rest stop.  This is where it really fell apart last year, the goal then was just make it one more mile.  i knew this year if i could come into the stop feeling good, I could finish strong. I came in without a problem.

Only 9 to go. I ran, I walked.  I wanted to conserve a bit so I could push the last two miles in faster. Last year they were so hard, I was crying in pain.  This year my body was fine, my mind was clear.  I was happy. I get to 48 and it's go time.  I wasn't going fast per se, but faster than the 10:20 i was doing.  Man did it feel good to have something left to give.  I look at my watch and i know i can get in before 9 hours.

I finish with a smile and in 8:55, only 55 minutes slower than last year but this one was better.  I still managed a 6th age group placing and 14th overall female.  My man is speechless, never in his wildest dreams could i have accomplished this.  Boy did i prove him wrong.

It remains to be seen if my will has resurfaced and if the love is back, right now i believe it is.  I am sore from head to toe, but i embrace all of it knowing that i did something that will change me forever and bring me back.  it's that good kind of hurt.

Anytime I had a doubt or I focused on the humongous blister between my toes.  I forced that smile and it all went away.  who knew running 50 miles could be FUN!

The person you're not

Wednesday April 17th, 2013

Today.

I am home. Why do I feel like such a stranger here? Why am I seeing things so differently now? I feel out of place. Why is the norm to put on that brave face and pretend nothing happened? How do I be the strong person for my kids? How?
When you say my name, some form of the word run usually follows it. That is me now, the runner. It defines me and everything that I am and have striven to be. It has come naturally to me and has been the escape i have longed for, for such along time. If you are a runner then you know what its like to have a bad race, especially the first bad race. I had that at Boston, my FIRST EVER bad race. I have never wanted to quit something so bad and finish at the same time. I feel like I have failed everyone around me who was watching me from afar. I failed myself, I could have trained harder, i could have made sacrifices. I let so many of you down. Its that deep down shame that covers you in a blanket of disgust.
Why keep on running? Why race if I'm only going to fall apart again? I have no answers for any of it. the fight I am having with myself to get over it is a losing one.
The embarrassment of having the bad race at Boston is even worse. I had to walk the last 5 miles and throwing up along the way. having the crowds around you laughing, saying "run, you're almost there", "looking good", drove the dagger in even further. walking with your head down so you don't make eye contact with the spectators who pity you is the only way you can make it through. This person is not me, I don't race like this. How am I letting myself be so pathetic?
People keep saying, "you finished, that's awesome", my response is "whatever". I want to lock all the memorabilia away never to lay eyes on it again. I didn't deserve that medal, who am I fooling wearing that jacket?

If that's not enough, you then add the tragedy that now plagues that day.  Because of my bad race performance I finished about 3 minutes before the first blast. I had "run" in the last 200 yards. If I hadn't I would have been right there. I was licking my wounds across the finish and was only yards away from the blast. Freezing cold and confused I knew what happened. I rushed to get my medal and my space blanket, and frantically began my search for roger. We had a meeting point about 2 blocks away. I was hysterical and the further you got away from the finish the less people knew what happened. I had no phone, no way to contact roger, hoping he was at our meeting spot.
The fear was evident in my eyes the second he saw me. I literally fell into his arms mustering the words "bomb, and I was right there". From that moment, my life changed.

Calling my daughter when i was back in the hotel was horrible. She hadn't quite heard what happened and trying to explain it when you can't even choke out words between your sobs is hard. To hear her cry and say you could have died breaks my heart. I wasn't there to hug her or comfort her or try to convince her I was ok. Having her so far away.
How do you digest this? How do you put your life back together? How long is that fear going to be present? I am trying to dig deep to find those answers, I come up empty handed every time.
I know one thing. I will not stop running, I won't let the person(s) who did this take that away from me.

things coming to an end?

Saturday March 23, 2013

The sun was shining, the wind calm. There was no alarm, and a warm cat in my bed. At the leisurely hour of 8:30 a.m. I finally got out of the cocoon I had made throughout the night. Some breakfast and coffee, oh the sweet, hot taste of coffee and a bit of procrastination. I double check the weather and gather my clothes, then have some more coffee and see whats happening on facebook. The hour is nearing 10 and i am still in pajamas.
I kick my butt into gear and I get dressed, ready for the journey that I am about to take and will not take for some time. it is bitter sweet. i have the directions, the gear, and the attitude so I head out.
The sun is bright, almost blinding but it's warm and the feeling is almost unfamiliar but oh so welcome. It is getting a bit hard to breathe due to the drainage my sinuses have so gratefully started to do. A quick farmer blow and the problem is gone. By now I am taking in the scenery and taking in the sights that are so familiar but today so different. The loneliness and sense of desertness that the landscape has is soothing and brings a smile to my face. It is not as though there is a longing but a peacefulness and life. It is warm enough with the sun to start to melt the snow and the creeks are flowing bringing the debris downstream.
My body is reacting to the surroundings and kicks it in. The animals around are playing and you can hear the birds singing. i am almost half way there and i feel stronger than ever thinking about what this day means and how much I need it. There is no going back, no giving up, just to keep going until the end. I think about what my day would be like without it and come to only one conclusion: useless.
I turn onto the road that I have been on almost everyday this week. I know each turn, each slight hill, but somehow with the sun shining on it, it looks different, happy perhaps. I am almost there and relish in the fact that this road had a part in it.
i contemplate my body and my strength. I have that split second to decide to take a short cut and take the easy way out. My will to not give up overpowers my weakness, I keep going. My attitude remains the same and even though the sun is weaning a bit the surroundings are not.
The home stretch and I am strong, almost at the point of not stopping. i can see the end and I am smiling knowing that I did not give up, making it to the end with a strong will.
even though today's journey is done, there will be others. they will not be in the near future but they will come soon enough and i will welcome them with open arms and fresh legs.
Goodbye for now my precious 20 miler.