Thursday, July 17, 2014

life isn't fair

There are things in life that just aren't fair. That is a fact. I was reminded of that yesterday as I tried to help some people in need.
My husband and I saw three clearly homeless people and a dog asking for help at a popular intersection. We turned to one another and knew that we must help them. We were headed to Starbucks and I grabbed a sandwich and a bottle of water for each person, explaining to the barista where they were going. She kindly did her part in discounting the items and wished all of us luck. Upon returning to deliver the items the police pulled up alongside them. We were determined to help in any way that we could, so we proceeded. I walked up to the group who were now getting hassled and written tickets that most likely will not be able to be paid, and with kind words handed them the bag " it looks like you could use this". The look of appreciation on the man's face was evident and shock on the others that I came upon them while the police were there. One of the police officers pulled me aside as I was turning to walk away explaining there is a policy in place against panhandlers in intersections and people giving to panhandlers. I had no idea and was just trying to help some people who clearly needed it. He explained that giving money especially was prohibited because they just use it to buy drugs, but the food and water we gave them should be ok.
At this point my husband got out of the car thinking that I was being accosted. Our dog also jumped out of the car window as I was walking back to the car.
I couldn't explain what the officer said to me because I was so emotional. Thinking about it now brings it back. How much courage do you think it took for those people to advertise that they were so in need? What chain of events caused the situation they were in? Then to be treated like they don't matter and written tickets that they can't pay. Assuming they are drug seekers.
Was any of that necessary? Could the police have just asked them to move along? Life isn't fair.
Maybe the emotion hit me because in another life that could have been me. I've been pretty low before and there were times I didn't know if I would have a roof to cover myself and my daughter.

My husband and I share the dream of opening a homeless shelter in the Madison area. We will call it the Birdhouse. Even that is just a business plan, to help the people in need in just our community takes an enormous amount of money and assistance. So for now we do our small part day to day and remember that our problems are small in the grand scheme of things.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Boston Strong

The Boston marathon is today. Today an American male won for the first time in almost 30 years. Records were broken all over the womens field. An amazing day for the race and the town itself.
This year i was not there.
I did not see this live.
I headed out on my own marathon this morning at 8:40 am central time. The elite women were already on their way.
To give me strength I had my Boston hat and my Fellow Flowers shirt "you can not destroy the will of a runner" on and ready to go.

The first 5 miles were humid and i was feeling good. It started to rain, no not rain, pour. It was a warm rain though and i wasn't going to turn back. My body felt strong and I knew i was going slow but to finish was the goal for today. So for the next 15 miles it rained.

There were times during this run where I cried and instead of choking them back i let them flow. I cried for the race i didnt have, I cried for the fear i felt, I cried for the lives lost, I cried for the pain that still remains everywhere. Still i had a smile.

When i run i dont bring my phone, today i did. When i reached 26.2 and saved my route i looked at my phone. My husband wrote an amazing post about our journey on facebook. Upon reading that with the emotion of what i had just done was truly overwhelming.

When i got in the door i heard that an American had won! Meb had accomplished something that he had been so close to before. i watched the live feed from the race and it was not through clear eyes.

For a year I have not been able to read, look at, or hear about Boston without choking up. I avoided the papers and the tv on the anniversary, i couldnt handle it just yet. The pain was still so raw, it still is honestly. To see my friends give the race a go or another go is amazing.
I knew i had to try to deal with this raw reaction in my way and to run the distance again was all i could do. today i ran with a purpose thinking about the bad race i had and how i was feeling at certain mile markers. today added to the miles i have been building since saturdays' half marathon. 54 for three days.

My Boston time was 4:24:47. My time today 4:16:38

It is true that you can not destroy the will of a runner. it can be broken or lost, but not destroyed. It may take years to revive itself but it will be back.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Winter has been long

Sunday March 23, 2014

When the sun shines and the weather is warm after an impossible winter you can only help but to smile.  A kind of smile that not only lights up your face but your whole being.  That, is how I feel about running.  The winter was long and cold and so had been my running attitude.  I would like to say that it happened after Boston, but I know it happened the winter before.  I had lost my love for the sport. How can a person who had lived, breathed, and talked running just stop?  I ran the 50 miler and after that the honeymoon was over.

I should have been elated that I had qualified for Boston without trying, or that I placed 2nd in my first ever ultra, but all i could think was: what now, what's next?  it had never been my style to do something mediocre and then try to do better next time.  Do your best the first time and move on to the next bigger/harder thing, that was my style.

I decided to run the 50 miler again and trained, well sort of and had the best race ever.  I ran some after that and it was nothing substantial. I also needed a runner partner to get me out the door.  I always made up a reason not to go if i was by myself.  This was also unlike my previous running persona. Alone.  Always run alone.
Then winter came and it was hard to get out the door when temps were consistently below zero.

My dog Roubaix has been the best running partner anyone can ask for and provided some much needed alone time without being alone.  most of those unmotivated runs were done with him on a trail. unknowingly he slowly lead me back to my dear friend.

Within the last 3 weeks my love for running has returned, I am a giddy child once again.  i can't wait to run after work, I can't wait to commute to work, I can't wait to spend 5 hours on a run.  i give credit to the sun and the warmer temps.  today I had planned a 17 miler with a friend whom I have never run with.  i told everyone about it and I was excited for many reasons.  17 miles would be the farthest i have run since the 50 miler in October and it was going to be on one of my favorite courses.  My running courses are something that I hold near and dear to my heart, they are like my little treasure box that you only look at alone in your bedroom late at night and show only your close friends. So to expose that to someone new was exhilarating!

The weather forecast was not looking in our favor, cold again with the wind.  She expressed some hesitation about the length of time we would be out in the cold early in the morning.  It was ME who told her not to worry, that it would be great and we would thank ourselves afterward.  She ended up getting sick anyway and couldn't join me in the end.

i had 2 choices: 1. sleep as long as i could and sip my coffee while surfing Facebook.  Take a nap with the dog and not venture outside into the sunny but cold day. 2. Sleep in some, eat breakfast and start dressing for my run.  go anyway. Besides I was so pumped to be running this course and the sun was out.  2 won hands down.
it was not hard, i did not struggle, I wasn't even cold.  it was truly like seeing a friend you haven't seen in years and not skipping a beat. I am back and I cannot wait to see what happens!